One of the hardest places to be in life is when we are in questioning. This may be you questioning the career you chose, the lifestyle you chose, the person you chose to be, it may even be you questioning God as a whole. During this time of questioning, you are no less of a person and you are no less of a Christian. I went through a major time of questioning over the summer. I was questioning my identity, my place in this world, and God’s plan for me. I had decided that although I knew God’s plan was for my good, I did not want it. I wanted to take control of who I was, how I acted, and what was to come of my life. I wanted to take back my identity, whether that meant God was a part of it or not. What I did not realize at the time was that I was breaking my own heart and causing myself to become more lost than ever. You see, as a Christian, when I know I am breaking God’s heart, mine breaks as well. This is due to that being a constant prayer of mine, as well as the conviction being so strong. This caused me to become more confused about my identity than I had ever been in my life. I felt like I was two completely different people trying to decide who I would rather be. The answer of which to choose may seem simple to people on the outside, but it is not that easy. It is an honest battle that Satan puts us through. A battle between choosing God or choosing the world. He does this by taking the circumstances of our lives and spins our minds into being angry at God, which easily leads to questioning God. How can we take this time of questioning and being lost and turn it into something beautiful?
Three months I fought God. For three months I refused to allow Him to Speak to me and myself to truly listen. After those few months I was exhausted. Do you know why I was exhausted? Because the conviction God was giving me was so strong and constant. Continuously living with a broken heart due to me breaking God’s, on top of my broken heart due to earthly things was tiring. I woke up one morning and decided I could not do it anymore. I could no longer allow myself to be confused on my identity and who I wanted to have control over my life. So I sought answers. I started by seeking out my identity and who I wanted to be. I went to the store and bought a bulletin board, notecards, and colored pens. I spent about a week truly meditating on my identity. I googled verses of the Bible to study that focuses on our identities. This seeking caused me to build a relationship with God again and to decide I wanted Him to be the one to have control over my life. I took it verse by verse, writing down who God says I am on the notecards, then placing them on the bulletin board in my room. As I continued this process my board began to fill up quickly. I woke up everyday to see a colorful board telling me who I am in God. “In God” is the key here. I had been putting my identity in others, who they said I was, and what they thought of me. I had become someone I never was and that person was someone I never wanted to be. Finding my identity based off who God says I am was the best decision I made during this time. I promise the joy you have after finding your identity in God is immeasurable.
Once I had this new found joy and my true identity, I have done nothing but grow from there. I have grown in confidence, happiness, and in my relationship with God. I am finally back to who I was a few years ago and am even better than who I was then. I want to encourage you to ask questions about your identity and seek for answers. Seek out who you want to be and grow from that point. Knowing who you are is important for happiness and growth.
Remember, even after finding your identity, you will still question at times. That is okay! Go back and reread those verses and open up to God on how you are feeling and what you are thinking.
Verses on who God says you are:
Jeremiah 29:11 Zephaniah 3:17 John 1:12 John 15:1,5 Romans 6:6 Ephesians 1:4 Colossians 3:12 1 John 3:1 Study these and take time to seek out other verses on who God says you are.
Kokonaomi
