Fear is something that can cripple you in many areas of your life. It can affect your social life, your mind, and your future. Once a fear enters your mind it’s extremely difficult to get away from. These fears can heavily influence and hurt our daily relationships. This includes those you are dating and that you are friends with.
Fear is something I have dealt with for most of my life. More recently, however, I have really been struggling with fear in my relationships. I’m scared of being myself because I feel like I am going to be left. I am terrified of those I love leaving me. We have all experienced this feeling. Sometimes it is due to a breakup or an argument that dissolves the friendship. No matter what the cause, it is extremely painful when someone decides you are not worth the effort anymore. I have experienced each of these losses in the past year and it has crippled me in my new relationships. I feel like if I am my true self then I will be left again. I mean that is why I was left behind before, right? Wrong. I was not left behind, but God was leading me forward. I had been praying for God to take those out of my life that were keeping me from being in a great relationship with Him and He did exactly that.
In the moment, I thought I was not good enough for those people that left me and I did not understand what I had done wrong. I began to evaluate myself and figure out what I can change about myself that would keep people from leaving me. That’s the exact opposite of what I needed to be doing. I did not push those people away from my life, God removed them from my life. He heard my prayers and my want of a better relationship with Him, so He answered my prayers by removing those holding me back spiritually. As much as it hurt in the moment, looking back now I am extremely grateful that He wants me in relation with Him as much, maybe even more, than I do with Him! Isn’t that an amazing feeling? God wants to be in relation with you so bad that He will remove obstacles from your life that are keeping your from Him. Wow. His love for us is more than enough to satisfy if you allow it to.
The problem is, the world keeps us from believing that God is all we need to satisfy and to feel loved. Since I was a young child I have believed in order to be a somebody I had to have a huge group of friends. I did not care how they treated me, I just needed a big group of friends to seem cool. Do not count the quantity of your friends, but the quality. I recently went from a pretty big group of friends who did not truly care for me, to a handful of friends who genuinely care for me. I am loved daily by my little group of friends and it is all I need. All that matters is that they hold me accountable and they bring me closer to God daily. These are the types of relationships you should be looking for. If you are dating someone, they should be holding you accountable, not leading you into sin. The relationship should be helping your relationship with God, not hurting it. This goes for your friendships as well.
The relationships you have in your life heavily influence your mental and spiritual health. Two very important aspects of our lives. I am secure in the fact that my friends I have now will never leave me. They genuinely care to be a part of every aspect of my life and I know they will fight for our friendship. It helps ease my mind and my fear of them leaving me and it helps me be myself around them, because I know that they want me to.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to build each other up in our relationships. There should not be any hurt coming from your significant other or friends, but should lift you up in every aspect of your life. They should support you in every way possible and bring joy into your life. On the other side 1 Corinthians 15:33 teaches us to not be mislead because bad company corrupts good character. Y’all.. this is so true. I have seen it happen in my own life and in the lives of those around me. It is so much easier to be drug down into sin than it is to pull someone out of it. Whoever you surround yourself with and how they act, will influence your actions. Be careful of who you hang out with because they will either help or hurt your testimony.
Evaluate the different relationships in your life and decide if they are building you up or tearing you down spiritually and mentally. It is more important to have amazing relationships in your life than you may think. It may be hard to be honest with yourself if the truth is that the relationships in your life are dragging you into sin, so ask God to reveal the truth to you and to remove those from your life that are harming your relationship with Him.
Remember it’s the quality, not quantity, of your relationships that matter.
For more on this topic, check out the podcast page and listen to Finding Our Seat, a new podcast series.
Kokonaomi
